If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
