you win again, gameday.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
