last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
