Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
