i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize