Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
