My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
