Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
