So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
MIDGETS
????
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
