Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
