did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
