At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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