You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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