Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
