Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
