Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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