You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
