Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
