I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
