Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize