I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need water and some morals
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
