Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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