He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
