I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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