Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
