just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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