where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize