the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
