You can't special order awesome
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
