So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
