weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
