Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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