She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
