What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
