drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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