I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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