Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
