I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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