I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
