i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
