I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
