life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize