I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
