the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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