You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
