So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
