Do you still have your period?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
