I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
