Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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