drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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