Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
