is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize