She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
