I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
