when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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