with your own penis?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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