"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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