Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize