just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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