New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
