no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
