stop calling my apartment porn island.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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