do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
