11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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