I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
we're so committed to being not committed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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