Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
