Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's blow job season.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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