so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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