i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
