Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
