Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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