we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
