My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
