Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
