Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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