i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
