i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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