in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
