On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
