the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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