You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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