I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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