I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
