dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
