What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
