you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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