I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize