only if we run a train.
done.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
