I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
