It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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