Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
