She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
