Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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