we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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