We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
