I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
