if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
