Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
