Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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