I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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