all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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