The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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