I just gift wrapped bread.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize