I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
